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KALEIDOSCOPE

My Teenager

Being a teen is one of the most difficult phases of life. There are countless questions and confusions in your mind and the whole world seems to be conspiring against you. In a bid to help you overcome your problems, “Mothehood” has brought to you a platform in which to share your problems and get expert advice from the experts of Aangan of Rozan and Jeet of Sahil. You are most welcome to send in your concerns to myteen@motherhood.com.pk. Also, post in your question our experts will answer them for you.

Q1.
My mother has always told me that I should share everything with her. She says our relationship should be like friends and that I should not hesitate from telling her anything. A few weeks back I shared something from her, but now I really regret it because ever since then she been lecturing me. She does not miss any opportunity to start her lecture and now I’m so sick of it that I feel like doing all the things that she stops me from doing.
Expert:
Not many parents give their children the confidence and space to come to them and share everything they experience. The fact that your mother did is encouraging. But as you mentioned your sharing with your mother usually ends up in a lecture, I believe that is because she becomes concerned. If we look at her position she is a parent, a mother with responsibilities on her shoulders. She can be a friend to you, a very good friend in fact, but with a parental touch in it as well and that is something very natural. What might help in this regard, as I would not like you to lose such a great opportunity to make your mother understand your concerns, a. you can share things slowly, as much as your mother can take at a time and process. b. talk to your mother and tell her how it feels when you share and she lectures in return. Talking helps a lot and I am confident that you and your mother will come up with a solution.

 

Send your queries and problems to myteen@motherhood.com.pk and our very competent panel of experts comprising of Jeet of Sahil and Aagan of Rozan will provide the answers maintaining full confidentiality.


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Q2.
I am a 17 year old girl doing my A'levels and my brother is 19 doing B.B.A. He is allowed to go out any where he wants no matter what the time is but I am not! And when I ask my parents why I can’t go out or hang out with my friends, the answer I get is, its not good if girls go out, men are around and they have an eye on you! You never know what could happen. Now I've got a question, what makes them think that my brother is different from those MEN? Or is my parent's interpretation right? Why am I not allowed to hang out with my friends?
Expert:

In a society like ours it is not uncommon for girls to hear things like “girls should not go out as men stare at them” etc etc. This is a wrong way of hitting the nail I agree and serves as a source of resentment in young girls. However it reflects the societal norms and expectations from girls which are very different from boys. Since your parents are part of this society, their fear and feelings are justified. Your parents are concerned about your safety, as we live in an environment that is not very woman friendly. However, sometimes parents, out of their concern and feeling of responsibility, become a little over-protective as they still see you as a young girl who may not be able to take care of herself.  I would like you to talk to your parents about your feelings and listen to their concerns. You can then mutually decide about the measures that you can take to make sure that you are safe e.g. set a time by which you would be home, tell them about your friends, what they do, where they live so that they are also satisfied. I am sure talking about feelings and letting your parents understand your idea of fun with responsibility will help. Good Luck!


Q3.
I am an 18 year old girl. My parents are going through a divorce and the situation at home is very tense these days. My parents have given me the choice to choose who I want to stay with. All this tension is getting to me and I have started smoking, I get an uncanny sense of relief after smoking, but at times I feel so tense that even smoking doesn’t calm me down. What should I do to calm my nerves?
Expert:

It is very unfortunate for you to go through this situation. It has been seen that people use different methods to cope with stress. Smoking is an unhealthy way to cope with stress and can also cause serious health issues. You should be aware that smoking cannot calm you down. You have mentioned, what should I do to calm my nerves? It is really encouraging that you want to deal with your problems in a healthy way. The best way to deal with stress is to share your feelings with a family member or a friend whom you can trust completely. Exercise, yoga, walk, deep breathing or any other such activity of your interest can also help to calm and relax your body.



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