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  MOTHERHOOD

My Teenager

Being a teen is one of the most difficult phases of life. There are countless questions and confusions in your mind and the whole world seems to be conspiring against you. In a bid to help you overcome your problems, “Mothehood” has brought to you a platform in which to share your problems and get expert advice from the experts of Aangan of Rozan and Jeet of Sahil. You are most welcome to send in your concerns to myteen@motherhood.com.pk. Also, post in your question our experts will answer them for you.

Q1.
I feel my parents don’t give me much attention. I am the eldest of three children and my parents pay more attention to my younger brother and sister, At times I feel like I am sitting in the room and they are ignoring me. This whole this is making me feel very inadequate and I feel like they don’t love me.
Expert:

Talking about a problem is the first step towards its solution. At times the eldest child of the family reports feelings similar to yours. Parents have also shared experiencing difficulty in balancing their time between children who are at different stages of development and this having different needs for example a younger child who is not very independent phuysically, may end up getting more attention or time from parents as compared as compared to a child who has become physically independent. This at times happens unconsciously and not because one child is preferred over the other. If you feel like your parents do not give you as much attention as your silings get, try talking to them about it and be very articulate about your feelings. Tell them what specifically akes you feel ‘inadequate’, the type of attention you need from them and then listen to what they have to say about it as well. They might be looking at it from a different angle. I hope thi will help in satisfying your concerns. Best of Luck!


 

Send your queries and problems to myteen@motherhood.com.pk and our very competent panel of experts comprising of Jeet of Sahil and Aagan of Rozan will provide the answers maintaining full confidentiality.


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Q2.
I study in a convent school and have many friends who are Christian. My best friend is also Christian; the problem is that my other friends who are Muslims and even my family say that I shouldn’t be too close to my Christian friends. I want to make them realise that friendship does not see race or religion. I cannot stop being friend with someone just because she is Christian!!!
Expert:

I like what you said about friendship not being bound by race or religion. I would like to reaffirm tat by thinking this way you are not letting stereotypes or prejudices effect who you choose to be friends with. The fact that your friends and family asks you to remain distant from your Christian friend could be out of their apprehension and the fear that her Christian beliefs would start affecting the Islamic ideologies and systems you have been taught. This however is not based on reality but on fear; since all religions teach basic core values of honesty, care, love, peace etc. There are many examples around us where people from different faiths and ethnic backgrounds are friends and continue to practice their own separate religious beliefs. But still, as such friendships are uncommon and not very normal in our society. You have to make your family believe that your friendship with a Christian girl will not affect your Muslim beliefs. You can do so by telling them how you pass time, by talking to your parents about her and her family more so that they get to know them a little better. You don’t have to ‘stop being friends with her’; you just need to share your point of view with them and listen to their concerns. I know it is a little difficult and will take time and patience but in the end your family will be able to understand you better. Good Luck!


Q3.
I am 14 years old and I am constantly being bullied at school and don’t even have any friends. I talked to may parents about it and they changed my school, but in the new school as well I have the same problem. I try being friendly with other students, but don’t know why they all make fun of me and bully me.
Expert:

I can understand how hard it must be for you to go to school everyday in this situation. Not many children talk about being bullied at school and the fact that you did, with your parents and with us, depicts that courage you have within.  Students who bully you might have no reason at all for their actions. Remember, that you are not responsible for the actions of the bullies and have not caused them to behave this way and that you may not be only one that they bully. Some students bully out of the need to have fun at somebody else’s expense. Bullying also makes people feel powerful and at times popular among their peers. Some may resort to bullying after being bullied themselves. This behavior helps them feel stronger. It’s very good that you are trying to make friends in your new school as bullies often target those who are alone or new. Another thing that will help you at this stage and in this situation would be to become more assertive with them. You can tell the bullies not to tease and bother you anymore or you will tell your parents and actions will be taken against them. Also, if at a certain stage you feel like you need to involve school authorities in this, do not hesitate to do so. Sometimes assertive actions need to be taken against bullies which involves warning and even psychological support from them. Keep you parents in the loop and do not hesitate in telling them about your feelings. Doing so will help you deal effectively with the matter and will also help your parents in taking an appropriate step to resolve this issue, if required from their side. You are doing the right thing which will help you put a stop to this. All the best!



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